51 Words Per Minute

ONE HANDED.

Goooo Alli!

For both of you

I am 

So done

With all of you.

Thinking 

You're better

Than me

And thinking you can come

In and out

Of my life

As you please.

(To you-)

You saw 

What I went 

Through 

For two years

And you always said

I could get out.

You were 

My lifeline.

Now.

 I stand here,

Reliving 

My nightmare

Thinking how much

I wish you could see.

And 

[YOU-]

Six years.

Wasted.

I'll never get it.

There are times

That I've wasted

Being sad over you...

Wondering

What I did wrong.

  You were so much more

Than my best friend,

You were my sister.

Now I see how toxic

You are.

I don't need you

Anymore.

New awkward questions for your amusement

Age; 24 and almost 1/4 years old.
Full legal name; Do you really want to know?? Allison Kate Bolton.
Name preferred; Alli.
Birthday; Are you trying to steal my identity?
Nickname;  Alli, Al, Norman, Farm, Beaver, Alli Cat, Catdog, Dawg, Alli Cakes, Captain Alli Beaver Fever, Muffin, Lovins, Lovey, Fluffyyyyyy....too many moreeee
Current mood; Content and happy.
Current Relationship Status; Single, yo. HAHAHAHAHAH
Hobby; Um what about 'hobby"?
Best girl friend; I don't like to discriminate against people. Therefore I have no best friends.

Best boy friend; My above statement applies to this too.
Likes; On Facebook? Too many to say.
Dislikes; I'd approve of a dislike button on Facebook.
Favorite food; Sigh... practically everything.
Favorite drink; WATER and COFFEEEE
Ever been high; On life!
Regret; No need for regrets.
Confession; Trees are nice
Someone you miss; What about them?
What im doing right now; Homework. Sitting. Coffee drinking. Filling this out. Listening to music.
What im thinking right now; 330 is too earlyyyy.
Siblings; Four of my favorite ladies
Oldest or youngest; Youngesttttt! 

You

WHAT
GIVES
YOU
THE 
RIGHT
TO 
COME
IN 
AND
OUT 
OF
MY
LIFE
AS 
YOU 
PLEASE
?????

Why do I still feel like this?




God.
Girl,
You'll never get it.

Walls.

Memories flood

My mind.

Walls 

Built

People hurt.

Feelings grow

And shrink.

 Finally

Right where

I want to be...

Almost.



Things that I'm thankful for

In no particular order:

Here it goes:

Sunny days.

Rain.

Twirling.

Beach days.

Oxygen.

Mom.

Dad.

Sisters.

Jay O.

School.

Family in general.

Laughter.

Smiling.

Books.

Writing.

Good days.

Bad days.

BHFF'S

Friends.

COFFEE!



Letting go

Of all the bad
Feelings.


Wanting,
Needing
To be
A better
Person.

Wishing things
Would feel
"Normal"
Again.

Knowing everything is different.

I just need to breathe.

Change.

Has arrivied.
Better now.

Wonderful.

Cold?

In Sacramento?

It's mid July!

What is wrong with this picture?!

CRAZYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Two years later...

 Ron...

In two days,

It will be the two

Year

Anniversary

Of one of the worst days

Of my life.

I miss you

Constantly.

So much has happened...

Everything has changed.

I'm so glad

You came into my life.

And though

Selfishly,

I wish you could still be here,

I know you're in a better

Place,

Where your cancer

Is a distant memory.

I love you!

Finally

Closure?
I think so.

Always moving
Forward.

Thoughts on healing

Broken before.

The hurt still lingers

Deep

Inside.

Wiser than

Ever.

Stronger.

I smell like cucumbers

[Memories]

Come flooding
Back.

The storm
Still rages
Deep in my soul.

A year has come
And gone
Since the last
Conversation.

So many times
I was rejected.

So many times
You picked up
The pieces.

Now
I realize
That nothing
I could say
Or do to make
You talk to me.

I'm still broken
But

I'm working on it,

Healing.

My Mind

Is filled

With memories

Of twenty

Three

Years

Of being alive.

I'm learning

That I'm going

To be okay,

No matter what

Life

Throws my way.

The good

Will always

Outweigh

The bad.



Bittersweet moments

A-

Knowing
Nothing
Will ever
Be the same
Again
Is the bitterest of bitter
Yet the sweetest of sweet.

Change
Is the one constant
In life.

People come
And go
But memories
Last
Forever.

I tried
To hold
On tight.

To get you
To stay.

In the end,
There's nothing
I can do to make
You stay.

It made me stronger.

[Healing.]

Think what

You want,

And do what you're gonna do.

I don't know

If I'll ever fully

Get you out of my head,

But things are getting better.

I am not going to lay

Around

And be a victim.



Dear Ron.

Saturday was your birthday.
You would have been
sixty two.

Everyone was right:

The pain never
Really
Goes away.

You just learn to deal.

I hate
The fact
You're gone
And have been
For almost two years.

I miss you,
Constantly.
And,
I will always love you.

You are the best step dad
A girl could ask for.

<3

Dear Mom.

I know we've had
Our ups
And downs
In the past,
But despite it all,

You and I
Have an unbreakable
Bond.

No one will ever
Take your place
In my heart.

Or my life.

You are the strongest
Woman
I know.
And I am so proud
To be your daughter.

I love you.

Saturday May 5th 2012

Sitting here.
In my pajamas.
With the cutest little girl in Oregon.

Want to write,
But don't know
What to say.

Maybe here.

I'm happy
With how far
I've come
And where I'm headed.

I am content.

And thats a first
In a REALLY long time.

Sure,
I have my moments,
But I know 
I am even better

Then before.

I've made a decision.

Dear Peeps,

This is for every
One of you.

I've made
A decision.

No matter what
You say,
Do,
Or think.

I will be okay.
No I will be great.

I am a survivor.

And.

YOU WILL NOT HURT ME EVER AGAIN.

Thank you and good night.

[Words]

 Darkness has come.
Night is here.

'You are my best frien forever,
Nothing will change that.'


Spoken words
That have been
In the back of my mind
Creep
Up and haunt
 My dreams.


To both of you,
You are NOT
Above everyone else,
So get off your high
Horse.

You're not perfect
And drugs are bad.

So much for best friends forever.

A note to girls

Guys shouldn't be your entire life.

If you're choosing guys over your family/friends, it's probably not a very good relationship

And you should get out.

the end.

Dear Creepers.

I think you
All are
A bunch
Of no good
Tools....

Especially
The users,
Abusers,
And liars.

You can't
Just ride
Through life
Expecting
Other people
To give into you.

ESPECIALLY YOU!

You shouldn't throw
Tantrums
When you don't get your way.

Or creep on girls,
When you're in a relationship,

Touching someone's butt,
And/or taking a picture
Of some girls underwear
Hanging out,
Is not okay.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE A CREEPER
ANYMORE.

Go away.

(Truth)

I don't know How you can
Not
See it.

Forget what I went
Through.

You know the signs.

Love is blind,
Right?

Mad

You can sit

There

And not talk,

Even ignore

My emails,

Phone calls and texts.

Disappointment.

Anger.

This is why I'm moving foward.

You will not hurt me

Again.

Moving forward

Getting through the heartache.

Sifting through all the memories.

Knowing what has made me

Into the person I am today.

I am not weak.

I am a survivor.

Moving forward

Into the future

Is what I am doing.

[My Goodbye Letter]

I don't
Even know where to begin.

You were my best friend
For years.

How can that all
have been a lie?

Or was it?

Looking back,
I don't know
If i ever really
Knew you at all.

That's what kills me.

Reflections

The past
Four years
Have been
The most
Intense
Years
Of my life.

So much has happened
Everything is changing.

Constantly.

Everything that has happened
Has made me
Into who I am today.

My heart has been broken.
My life has been turned upside down,
I have hurt too many people to count.
I have been through life changing
Events.

I am grateful
For every last thing.

Because.

It has made
Me
Better,
Stronger.

[Knowing then.]

What I know

Now

Would have changed

Everything.

You act all cool

And casual

Without

Any remorse.

Not a word

For ten months.

I guess

That's what best

Friends

Are for,

Right?

A Dream Is Like A Map

I will not sit
By
And watch
My life
Go by.

I will NOT
Be passive.

I have a dream
And will make
It into
Reality.

Socks.

Can remind you

Of so many

Things.

[At least me.]

A man

Trying to trap

Me

Like a hunter

Looking

For prey.

"It was our lucky day,"

He said over and over.

I kept

Trying to escape.

He held my hand

As tight

As he could,

And kept backing

Me

Into corners

That I didn't

Want to be backed

Into.

I finally escaped...

[Things I never said.]

Dear Best Friend.


Here are some things you should know:


1. I hope you never find out what it's like to not know what you did wrong and have your "best friend" not talk to you...


2. Stop smoking so much. Jeeze you don't have to be like your sister and have a cigarette in your mouth all day, every day.


3. You should really stop smoking all that pot, it kills brain cells.


4. After everything, i still don't understand why you are choosing the path you're on.


5. Stop taking pills that you DON'T need. It's all fun and games now, but what if you get hooked?


6. You one told me that I was being childish and that I needed to grow up. Yet, I'm the one who can deal with their problems without alchohal, cigarettes, and drugs.


7. I'm sick of missing you. But I always will. You were a big part of my life and I can't just delete you from my memory....

8. I will always love you.

Thank you and good night

Things I've learned

One-
Be thankful for the big and little things in life.

Two-
Family should ALWAYS be number one.

Three-
Tell people how you really feel, even if it hurts....tell them the truth. It's better that way.

Four-
Learn to appreciate what you have, don't take people and things for granted, because they msy not be there tomorrow.

Five-
If a situation is making you unhappy, get out.

Six-
Trust your gut.

Seven-
Even if it hurts, move on from things/people that hurt you.

Eight-
Love yourself.

Nine-
Don't change for anyone..

[Rainy Days]

Make me think

Of you.

I don't really

Know why.

Because it barely

Rains

In Nevada.

I'm trying

So hard

To wrap

My mind

Around

The fact

That I may never

Speak to you.

Again.

I try not to get sad,

Be optimistic,

You know....

I tell myself

That

You've done this

Before,

And

That you'll call me.

But

We both have gone

Through

A lot

And changed.

I just hope

We haven't chaged

Too much.

Progress

"I don't like you."

There.

I finally said it.

Get over it...

You know that people

Aren't always

Going to like you.

You can't have

It both ways.

You can't lie

To everyone

And expect

People

Not to be hurt

When they find out the truth.

I'm not afraid

To speak my mind anymore.



[After.]

After it was all said

And done,

I guess I always knew

It was coming...

I could feel it.

I just wish

I knew why.

I wish a lot of things...

[Before.]

Before Oregon.
Before the secrets.
Before Eric and Frank.
Before all the awkwardness.
Before the lies.

There was you
And me.

Nothing else mattered.

"I'll always come back for you."

11:35 pm.

Colors of the rainbow.

Alphabet.

Shame.

Dark.

Someone I used to know.

youwillnotwinever.

KING.haha.whatever.

[who made you the king of everything?]

Babies born.

Sad.

Cloudy.

Peaceful.

Ron<3.

Girl.

Boop.

Cursive.

-Thoughts-

With you

As my friend,

I feel free.

Like I can finally be myself

For once.

I don't 

Have to hide

Anything from you.

You know it all.

The good,

The bad,

And the fugly.

Inside and out.

I can be myself,

Fully nerdtastic,

With all my awkwardness.

You accept me,

Flaws

And all.

It means the world to me,

Homeland and all.

{Dear You.}

You are wonderful.

I hope you know that.

I have always

Loved

You.

Even if I never say it

To your face,

I'm glad it's written

Here.

Everyone has told me

That we would make a great

Couple.

They also say

That you love me too,

I hope it's true...

But I kind of

Doubt

It.

Because years ago

When we were dating

You said,

"I tried to have those feelings

For you,

But I just think of you

As a friend..."

Those words

Sting me

To my core

To this day.

You go hot

And cold

On me

All the time.

What do I make of that?

I don't know..

I just love you.

Thats all.

Love, Me

Besties

A- You said forever was ours, but did forever really mean only a few years? I really hope not. But if it did, I'm glad we had the time we did... and if we ever do cross paths again, I hope you'll tell me what happened. I'm always here, even if you aren't, but I've had to move on for myself. I don't know what happened all those months ago, but I hope one day we can talk about it. I'll always love you.

B! I hope you know how important you are to me. You have always been there for me, through thick and thin.... you weathered the two year storm with me and for that, my friend, I am eternally grateful. You have never given up on me, even when I gave up on myself. I can never express in words how thankful I am that you are apart of my life. I loveee you SO MUCH!

C. Even though we met a few months ago, you are my best friend! Well my BHFF. Hahaha, I'm super dee duper thankful that we met at that partyyyy! Things were never the same after that. I wanna go buy a cakepop, ohhh shoot, I'm getting off track. Hardy har har. Where was I? Oh yeaah. You, C, are my ballerina jazzdancelady. YAY! I love our sillyness and our inside jokes! basically. i love youuuuu!

that wasthat

(Change)

How can you

Have changed

So much?

You've become

Someone

I don't recognize.

Best friends is a promise you keep forever.

Did you not get that memo?

I keep hoping

You'll come around.

Annd we can finally

be us again.

Have you not learned

Anything

From my mistakes?

I hope so....

Basically,

I miss you.

[Comparisions.]

Alike

In more ways

Than one.

But

Different

In

A million

More.

I guess

We each follow

Our own path

In life.

And maybe,

Just maybe our worlds colided

For more than just heart

Ache.

I'll never understand,

But maybe

That was the plan.

Movement

In my heart

Still means I'm alive.

Right?

I guess we haven't learned....

The Green Box Days...

Were some of the best

Days.

Now I barely

Know you...

You have become a stranger.

Which is crazy

To think about.

Laying in the middle

Of the street,

Random trips

To Reno,

"The Bestie Book,"

And

Mario and Luigi.

What happened to forever?

Learning to live

Without you....

I used to think

There was you

And I

In this world.

When we were together

The world became

Ours.

Everything else slipped away.

You were

Special.

One of a kind.

My bestest bestie,

Forever.

And today,

While there is a big

Hole

In my heart,

I am realizing

That maybe,

Just maybe there is life after

You....



Stalker/Creeper Quotes

Heeeey All You Lovely Internet Peeps.

If any of you
See or hear these quotes,
Run for your lives.

Theres a stalker after you.

• I like smelling you.
• We can make new memories. [while caressing your arm, gently.]
• I'll be your homeland.
• You smell like pretty.
• SNOWFALKES! What are you doing today?
• You make me happy. I'm soooo glad you're in my life!
• I love you. [within ten seconds of meeting someone.]
• You make babies with me? C'mon say "YES!"
• You two ladies are looking DAMN FINE.
• You're GORGEOUS! [note: old dudes dont do this.]
• Come on CC, LETS DANCE! [old dudes: you will scare the young hot ladies away if you say this.]
• Any cheesy pickup lines are not good.
• Wanna be my playdough?
• You're my ballerina!!!!

Please note:
There are all sorts
Of creepers in this world.

And you should really be careful.

hearts and hugs.

Today.

Living,

Learning.

And growing.

That's what I've been doing

For eight

Months now...

It doesn't seem

To get easier.

The hurt still hurts.

Heart is still broken.

You've changed

So much,

I barely know you...

But still 

There you 

Are there

In my dreams.

You are forever

A part

Of who I am.

But sometimes

For a second,

I remember

What you always said,

"You are my soul sister.

You helped me at my lowest point.

I will always love you, no matter what."

Then, the moment passes

And all I am left

With

Is the memories.

I will always miss you.

Awkward questionsss for your amusement

‎1. What time did you get up this morning? Before the sun. erg, EARLY.
2. How do you like your steak? Whatever way you're cooking it.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? New Years Ever<3
4. What is your favorite T.V show? Uhhh? I don't have a fave. Mayber Gossip Girl....haha so cliche'.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? I'm not choosing just one. England, The Northwest, Hawaii, and other tropical places.
... 6. What did you have for breakfast? A bannana and a bagel.
8. What foods do you dislike? Onions. yuck
9. Favorite Place to Eat? Have you seen me? I LIKE FOOD, soooooo not choosing just one.
10. Favorite dressing? Ranch.
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? ummmmm i walk.
12. What are your favorite clothes? Tuxedo shirts.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? England and Hawaii
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? HALF FULLL fo sho.
15. Where would you want to retire? BUTTS, I don't know.... I'm only twenty three.
16. Favorite time of day? FOOD TIME. hahah
17. Where were you born? Redwood Memorial in Fortuna, California.
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Baseball?

19. Who do you think will not tag you back? Does it matter?
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? No!
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? I said NO!
22. Bird watcher? bird? no...people...yes
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? afternoon.
24. Pets? None. But I'd like a dog namesd DUDE.
25. Any new and exciting news that you'd like to share? THIRTEEN DAYS UNTIL EUGENE
26. What did you want to be when you were little? funny.
27. What is your best childhood memory? I have a million
28. Are you a cat or dog person? DOGS ARE BOMB
29. Are you married? PSH. no i'm not.
30. Always wear your seat belt? Isn't it illegal not to?
31. Been in a car accident? YESSSSSSSS.
32. Any pet peeve's? BUTTHEADS.
33. Favorite pizza topping? hm. olives?
34. Favorite Flower? PANSYS! hahah.
35. Favorite ice cream? froyofosho
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? In&Outtttttttttttttttt
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? NEVERRRRR.
38. From whom did you get your last email? Daddy-O?
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? OLD NAVY<3

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? I went for a walk?
41. Like your job? I HAVE NO JOBBBB. thanks.
42. Broccoli? Cauliflower? VEGGIES yum
43. What was your favorite vacation? San Diego!?
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Henry
45. What are you listening to right now? coffee shop noises
46. What is your favorite color? HOT pink, LIME green and ORANGE orange.
47. How many tattoos do you have? noneeeeeeeeeee. i'm too much of a pansy for that.
48. Coffee drinker? COFFEE shop. yes. More like coffee loverrrrrr<3
49. How many children do you have? 547852555.4

July 18th, 2010

So many things

Could be said

About that day.

A lot of people

Would say,

"I don't remember what I did..."

It was a sunny summer day.

I logged onto Facebook,

And saw

Something,

I never

Wanted to see.

Ron was dying,

Right as I was reading.

What had happened??

I thought he had months to live!!??

I told Mom,

I'd come down later

In the summer...

There was no time for that

Now.

My heart ached

For everyone.

I knew everything

Would change

With Ron's passing.

Horrible feelings and emotions

Were bubbling up inside

Of my body.

I sobbed

All day long

For weeks after.

No one understood

What I was feeling.

I was alone.

Dear Boog,

It's been

A little

Over a year and a half

Since your death.

And a lot has happened

And changed.

I hope you're proud

When you look down and see me.

I still miss you

Everyday

And not a day

Goes by

That I don't

Think

Of you.

I'm sorry I never said

Goodbye.

I love you always,

Al

Cancer.

Life is too short,

That's the lesson

This week.

Sadness can NOT

Begin

To describe

How I felt

When I found out

A childhood friend

Passed away

From

CANCER.

He was only

Twenty six.

He had his whole life

Ahead of him.

That's what gets me.

I remember

One day,

Many years

Ago,

We tried to make

A cure for cancer

In my kitchen.

Little did we know

Cancer would follow

Us

As we grew....

Dear David,

I hope you're rocking out

In Heaven

With the other angels.

You are always

In my heart.

Best Friends.

You know...

Best friends

Are a funny thing.

I mean one minute,

They are

"ALWAYS THERE."

Then

POOF!

It's like they never existed

In your life.

And it makes you feel

Like it was

All a dream,

Or a lie,

Depeding

On how you look at it.

You wake up one day

And

Ask yourself

If you were just imagining

It.

So here are some steps

To not have your friendship

Ruined

By dumb stuff,

Like I did.

•  One- Be up front and honest about your feelings. No matter how much you think it'll hurt, just be honest. Trust me, your best friend [and maybe even you] will be sooo grateful for your honesty, instead of leaving them in the dark.
•  Two- Make sure you're not a freaking creeper. I mean, its okay to stalk your bff's facebook, BUT don't be all possessive and  jelly. If you're stalking his/her pictures you could say "HEY! YOU LOOK GOOD!" [or whatever the male equvilent is to that. Just don't say "Eff you! Why did you go out without me? I'm more fun then those fugly beaches you hang with!"
• Three- Don't call and/or text like a million times in five minutes. Trust me, it gets on people's nerves.

Four- If your best friend doesn't answer, there's probably a reason&you shouldn't block your number and call another five million times in five minutes.

There you have it.

Hearts and Hugs

Make Life More Awesome Plan.

So hi!
I'm baaaaaack.
And roaringg to go.

[Or something like that.]

So.
Basically,
Today's blog
Is about
How to make your life MORE awesome.

So are you ready for this??


Here goes nothin'

Step One:
Learn to do math.
Because math
Is basically
A never ending
Evil.

Yes,
I said it.
MATH IS EVIL.

Oh come on,
Like you weren't
Thinking
It.


On to step two-
Don't take life
[Or youself]
TOO seriously.

If you can't find
The humor
In stuff,
You'll probably
End up
Being an old, bitter
Person...

And,well,
NO ONE really
Likes old, bitter people.

So put on a silly
Shirt or whatever
Item of clothing
You want ,
Eat what you want,
Laugh,
Live in the moment,
And do a little dance.

Step three [or is it c?]:
Make your best friend
Dance
With you.

If your best friend
Won't dance
With you,


Who will?

So get your best
Friend
And SHAKE IT!

Step four-
Learn,
Like EVERYDAY
And put those lessons
You learn
Into practice.

And I'm not
Saying
"Go back
To school,
You're dumb."

No, I'm talking
About living
Life and taking
The lessons
Life has to offer
And become a

Better person.

.Step five-
Become positive and nice.
And if you already are
Give yourself
A big high five.

Oww.
Wait that may hurt.

Go buy something nice
Or do something nice for yourself.

Anyyyyyyyyyway.

Being positve and nice
Is generally
A good thing,
With the right kind
Of peeps.
If you're not around
Nice peeeps,
Then by all means,
Go be mean.

that is all for now.

hearts&hugs